A few weeks back my wife and I were out on a date and I pulled out my phone, plugged it in to my audio system and proceeded to serenade my wife from my Neo -Soul channel on Pandora. I know some of you reading this are jealous because I don’t do this to you but she is my wife. In the middle of belting out a song my wife stopped me and informed me that the song was a break up song and probably not appropriate for our time together. Though I was sending the wrong message in that moment I was so glad that I do not have deal with the dating culture that pervades our world today.
The other day I read an article entitled “More college ‘hookups,’ but more virgins, too” on USA Today’s website. The article paints a picture of the already brutal reality of relational life on campuses with the detailed insights provided by statistical analysis from multiple research sources. One source reports that by the end of their senior year, more than 70% of college students (both men and women) report having had at least 1 hookup… with the average being over 7 for women, and almost 10 for men. Apparently, students prefer using the term “hookup” or “friends with benefits” as a way of leaving room for interpretation regarding the extent of sexual activity that was engaged in.
I grieve for this generation of young people who participate in this broken relational system, and even believe it to be the only option, especially given that they appear to be unaware of the mounting baggage that they will carry forward, especially into marriage, and the challenges it will produce. Having been apart of this culture I personally know the damage it does and continued effect it has on myself and my wife. As much as I am grieved, I believe God aches all the more.
This is not what God envisioned when creating us as relational beings — in God’s own image. But……………
it does not appear that everything is lost. The article also pointed to a reason to have hope, virginity, among college students, is trending upward and quickly. Yes that’s right, nearly 25% of seniors surveyed made the claim that they are virgins. Why? The article does not say. It is probably due to religious or moral convictions/values, but the reality is that some young adults are choosing a different, very different, relational path for their pre-marital journey.
This was a wake-up call for me as I began leading amongst College, Young Professionals and Singles. I always thought Christ followers and sexuality was a simple choice until I became one. From poor past decisions, “Christian sex”, to re-virginizing this process is not as clear unless you have not entered into a sexual relationship outside of marriage. So the questions began popping up in my mind:
- How do we offer another way-out, or is hooking up just ok?
- What do you think?
These statics though sad do not surprise me. Being in the “dating scene” is quite difficult if you are among the 25%. not impossible…just a challenge. I have found personally that it seems it is harder to get to know someone as a person but easier to get to know someone sexually. People disconnect these days when it comes to sex. Which is just sad when you think about it. It is seen as “not a big deal” when it is the biggest deal.
For me i’ve never been the hook up type or friends with benefits type. my heart is just not made that way. So when dating someone I put it all up front…if they don’t like it they can walk and they know where my intentions are from the starting line.
so yea there’s my rant.
🙂
No one’s Heart is made that way. People force their heart to be that way in search for a love only God can give or because they were promised a love that only God can give by someone that is also searching for God in the wrong place and in the wrong way.
I think that, approached correctly, the current disaster of culture is the perfect opportunity for God. Talking about sex can be a good way to start talking about God…just not in the Rob Bell way!