As I sat in my “Introduction to Preaching” at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, Rev. Dr. Charles Briscoe asked a question I’ll never forget “Which one of you want to be a preacher?” Honestly, it seemed innocent enough so I, along with everyone in the class, raised my hand. Dr. Briscoe chose myself and 9 others and made these statements, “I want the 7 of you to raise your hands.”
The sum of their parts
Today, the sin of sexual abuse is still prevalent in both the US and abroad. This is most clearly seen in the prevalence of global sex trafficking. Here are just a handful of the disturbing stats on the global sex trafficking crisis, according to International Crisis Aid:
- According to University of Pennsylvania, an estimated 300,000 youth in the US are at risk of being sexually exploited for commercial purposes
- The CIA estimates that 45,000 to 50,000 young girls are trafficked into the USA each year
- One in 12 youth experience sexual victimization, including sexual assault and attempted or completed rape
- 1.2 million children are trafficked every year globally, this in addition to the millions already held captive
- The average age of a trafficked child is 12 to 14 years old
- The total market value of illicit human trafficking is estimated to be in excess of $32 billion
Statistics like this should make you very angry, and the Bible is clear that they make God very angry. It’s only by God’s grace and his promise to Noah not to do so that we aren’t wiped out by yet another flood.
Inherent in the story of the Flood is a story of redemption. Rather than wipe out all of humanity, as God would have justly had the right to do, he chose to preserve his creation through Noah and his family.
Mankind is still wicked to the core. Unspeakable acts are still committed globally. Sin is still prevalent. God is still grieved. Thankfully, we have the opportunity for salvation through Jesus’ work on the Cross and his resurrection, and for the world to be redeemed and ultimately restored to the point where God can say about creation, as he did in Genesis 1, that it is good.
The Bible is clear that it is only Jesus who changes the hearts of men. And it is only through Jesus that this broken and sin-soaked world will be changed and redeemed. Jesus is the hope of the world.
This lead’s me to the video for this week about a man named Jacob. “Jacob’s Story” is a mini-documentary about a man that once made his living by trafficking women & children for the purposes of commercial sex.
Jacob worked as a trafficker for a crime syndicate in Johannesburg South Africa. In this film, he speaks openly about his work as a brothel manager and he explains how syndicates all over the world operate as they exploit the weak and powerless. Most importantly, you’ll hear about the life transformation that’s taken place in Jacob’s life.
From trafficker to rescuer. Only in the Kingdom of God.
Jacob is living proof that when the Gospel changes the hearts of men; everything changes.
[vimeo http://vimeo.com/31795904]
9+1 Myths about Sex and Relationships
As the weekend approaches I know that some that read this blog may be tempted to make some rather irrational (or rational by today’s standards) choices when it comes to sex and their relationships with the significant other. Social researchers Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker expose nine myths about sex and relationships among emerging adults in America (ages 18–23) and I wanted to add one more (not that I’m half as smart as them) to the end.
Myth: Long-term exclusivity is a fiction
- Truth: Half of all marriages last a lifetime, and extramarital affairs are not as common as assumed.
Myth: The introduction of sex is necessary in order to sustain a fledgling or struggling relationship
- Truth: The quicker sex enters a relationship, the sooner the relationships fails, and most relationships fail.
Myth: Boys will be boys. That is, men can’t be expected to abide by the sexual terms that women may wish to set. You may not want the double-standard to be there, but it’s there
- Truth: Women may enjoy sex as much as men, but they do not think and feel the same way about it. Generally they “set higher standards for their relationships.”
Myth: It doesn’t matter what other people do sexually; you make your own decisions
- Truth: The actions and attitudes of others do affect your decisions: “If a critical mass of men and women enjoy an extended series of sexual relationships and expect sex fairly promptly within them, it becomes quite difficult for a minority to do otherwise.”
Myth: Porn won’t affect your relationships
- Truth: Because more and more men are viewing porn regularly it “cannot but shape sexual market dynamics.” And studies have shown that the tandem of porn and masturbation actually “reduces the value of intercourse” because it is much more physiologically satisfying than masturbation alone. “Porn becomes easier, and so must women (on average).”
Myth: Everyone else is having more sex than you are
- Truth: You are less conservative than you think. “Most still overestimate how much sex is actually going on around them.” The authors write about this phenomena of pluralistic ignorance, “it happens when individuals within a group begin to believe that their own private attitudes, beliefs, or judgments are more conservative and rare than the public norms they see displayed by others.”
Myth: Sex need not mean anything
- Truth: This myth can occur broadly between the sexes, but exists especially among women. It is emotionally challenging for women to engage in casual sex and to experience a broken sexual relationship.
Myth: Marriage can always wait
- Truth: Most emerging adults still want to get married—eventually. They put off marriage for years and years and thus the marriage market “does not grow deeper and more impressive with age.” Thus, the authors encourage “men and women who’ve met someone who is ‘marriage material’ to think twice before rejecting the notion that they’re just not ready yet.”
Myth: Moving in together is definitely a step toward marriage
- Truth: In most cases, cohabitation does not last. “It overwhelmingly leads to either marriage or breakup within a few short years.” It is also more advantageous to men than to women as it gives them “more stable access to sex, without the expectations or commitments of marital responsibilities.”
The above were taken from a book entitles Premarital Sex: How Young Americans Meet, Mate, And Think About Marrying.
I would like to add one more myth from my personal experience and from pastoral work:
Myth: Sex is just [a] physical activity
- Truth: I do not and will not act as if I fully understand this but I do know that this is true. Your sexuality is connected to your soul and person-hood in a more powerful way than I can comprehend. Don’t believe me we here are some rather awkward questions (that I do not have the full answer for) for you to ponder.
- Why is it when a child is sexually abused and becomes a adult and then connects to the their past they can’t just “shake it off”?
- Why is it that rape is so much more devastating to a woman than just being beat up?
- Why is it that men with the deepest sexual issues (most of the time) have uninvolved or distant fathers?
- Why is it that [most] men and women with sexual addictions when trying to overcome said addiction run into a “Family of Origin” issue?
- Why is it that most peoples greatest regret is sexual?
Again, I don’t claim to have a complete answer to any of these questions but I can say this with cofidence, Sex is NOT just a physical act!
I Looked For Love in Your Eyes
A few weeks ago I received an Facebook message from a friend and someone that I have had the chance to do some premarital sessions. We have had a few discussions on the subject of pornography and its [destructive] effect on relationships. Honestly, it is so powerful that it initially brought me to tears and I have been thinking through a time that would be appropriate to share it with you.
Furthermore, this is National Porn Sunday along with Super Bowl Sunday. The Super Bowl, along with being a HUGE event, is where tens of thousands of sex trafficking victims were brought to Texas to service the increased demand for commercial sex around the games. No one knows how many children will be trafficked to Dallas/Ft. Worth for this year’s Super Bowl, but considering that Texas has one of the biggest human trafficking problems in the country, and that last year’s Super Bowl saw an increase in the amount of child trafficking around the event, the issue is potentially explosive. Additionally, multiple studies show that there is a direct connection with the use of porn and human trafficking.
Anyways, the poem is a bit graphic, but only so far as it needs to be. I think it’s particularly heartbreaking in drawing out the clear connection between pornography and violence. And it’s just a realistic look at how so many men are damaging and destroying their wives and families. It’s reality.
I saved my best for you.
Other girls may have given themselves away,
But I believed in the dream.
A husband, a wife, united as one forever.Nervous, first time, needing assurance of your love,
I looked for it in your eyes
Mere inches from mine.
But what I saw made my soul run and hide.Gone was the tenderness I’d come to know
I saw a stranger, cold and hard
Distant, evil, revolting.
I looked for love in your eyes
And my soul wept.Who am I that you cannot make love to me?
Why do I feel as if I’m not even here?
I don’t matter.
I’m a prop in a filthy play.
Not an object of tender devotion.Where are you?
Years pass
But the hardness in your eyes does not.
You think I’m cold
But how can I warm to eyes that are making hate to someone else
Instead of making love to me?I know where you are.
I’ve seen the pictures.
I know now what it takes to turn you on.
Women…people like me
Tortured, humiliated, hated, used
Discarded.
Images burned into your brain.
How could you think they would not show in your eyes?Did you ever imagine,
The first time you picked up a dirty picture
That you were dooming all intimacy between us
Shipwrecking your marriage
Breaking the heart of a wife you wouldn’t meet for many years?If it stopped here, I could bear it.
But you brought the evil into our home
And our little boys found it.
Six and eight years old.
I heard them laughing, I found them ogling.Hands bound, mouth gagged.
Fisheye photo, contorting reality
Distorting the woman into exaggerated breasts.
The haunted eyes, windows of a tormented soul
Warped by the lens into the background,
Because souls don’t matter, only bodies do
To men who consume them.Little boys
My little boys
Laughing and ogling the sexual torture
Of a woman, a woman like me.
Someone like me.An image burned into their brains.
Will their wives’ souls have to run and hide like mine does?
When does it end?I can tell you this. It has not ended in your soul.
It has eaten you up. It is cancer.
Do you think you can feed on a diet of hatred
And come out of your locked room to love?You say the words, but love has no meaning in your mouth
When hatred rules in your heart.
Your cruelty has eaten up every vestige of the man
I thought I was marrying.
Did you ever dream it would so consume you
That your wife and children would live in fear of your rage?That is what you have become
Feeding your soul on poison.I’ve never used porn.
But it has devastated my marriage, my family, my world.Was it worth it?
HT: Zach D. and Tim Challies
iPhone, Porn, and Freedom
Recently I read this article called: Steve Jobs, Apple, and porn. An excerpt: [Steve] Jobs (CEO of Mac) has recently argued that he wants his portable computer devices to not sell or stock pornography. When a critic emailed him to say that this infringed his freedoms, Jobs emailed back and told him to buy a different type of computer.
Steve Jobs is a fan of Bob Dylan, so one customer emailed him to ask how Dylan would feel about Jobs’ restrictions of customers’ freedoms.
The CEO of Apple replied to say that he values:
‘Freedom from programs that steal your private data. Freedom from programs that trash your battery. Freedom from porn. Yep, freedom. The times they are a changin’ and some traditional PC folks feel their world is slipping away. It is.’
The interlocutor replied:
“I don’t want ‘freedom from porn’. Porn is just fine! And I think my wife would agree.”
In the most revealing line, Steve Jobs dismissed the critic thus:
“You might care more about porn when you have kids.”
Pause for a moment and consider what the above emails represent.
The CEO of one of the wealthiest, most successful international companies responds to the email of a customer. Business prospers on the mantra ‘The customer is always right.’ Business wants the customers’ money.
But in this case, over the moral issue of pornography, Jobs is happy to tell customers to buy a different product. He argues that children and innocence ought to be preserved—and that trumps the dollar.
I was struck by Steve Jobs’ idea of freedom through restrictions in relation to our ultimate freedom through submission to God’s Word. The world does not see that as freedom, they view freedom as the ability to do anything, which ultimately leads to some sort of slavery. Even though Jobs was not coming from a Biblical Worldview it is interesting to see him entertain the idea that one can have freedom by submitting to something. Furthermore, Macs filter less porn than PC’s out of the box. Ultimately, these are respectable statements from Jobs. As a husband and A father I am ecstatic for for him to use his platform to get this message across. However, the response of the Christian community is proof of the success of Apple’s marketing. He made a statement, not a decision that he would like to keep porn off of Apple portable devices. That is all he did. Why must Christians continue to get all excited and make decisions about products because someone says something they agree with? It would seem that the only way Jobs can keep porn off of Apple i[device] is to remove the camera and video support, Wi-Fi and data support as swell.
Do I use Apple products? Yes. Are they great? Yes, but there is no need for me to follow blindly. Do we need to support people that we agree with? Sure. I support President Obama’s statement that he wants to lower taxes, but also take issue with some other ideas he has. 40 Days of Purpose, Prayer of Jabez, The Shack, Bono, Steven Baldwin, Oprah, Ford, Pepsi, Disney, Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, Microsoft, Adobe, IBM and many other products have all been boycotted or embraced by Christians at some point, and some of them have had both done to them. I think Job’s newly publicized anti-porn campaign is a great idea. More people should support that type of thinking. I also think it is great marketing, especially coming from a liberal CEO towards a naive conservative fan base who has in the past questioned his Buddhist and mostly agnostic beliefs. The same conservative group who flipped out back in 1977 when the first Apple retailed for $666.66.
Will I continue to use Mac’s? Sure, if they serve the purpose. Will I purchase one because of a statement that cannot even be upheld? NO. But I do like to support people who have similar morals.
What do you think?
the “elephant in the Church”
I think it is about time to take on the “elephant in the Church”. The elephant in the Church (also elephant in the living room, elephant in the corner, elephant on the dinner table, elephant in the kitchen, etc.) is an English idiom for an obvious truth that is being ignored. It is based on the fact that an elephant in a small room would be impossible to overlook…it is called PORN. There are some scary statistics out there, especially when it comes to those who are believers in Christ. I guess deep down inside all we want is to know that everything is going to be all right. We ask ourselves the question…is there something wrong with me because I am struggling with pornography? If you are not asking that question you should examine your motives. With this issue comes a lot of shame and guilt. It’s a dirty little secret that you can’t let out and in the meantime you feel like pond scum. For men we have three main facts:
1. We all love to look at nude women (yes, I just said this on t church site).
2. We have all looked at nude women.
3. We all know where we can find pictures of nude women.
The question is what are you going to do about the facts? We can simply accept the facts and give into our flesh, or we can live a life of integrity and avoid the pitfalls and traps of Internet pornography. This is every man’s battle. Porn is a lie. Porn tries to tell you what sex should feel like, sound like, and look like. Porn is simply fantasy designed to do one thing- keep you inclusive to yourself. Porn will destroy the relationships around you, as you pull away because of your dirty little secret. As you consume porn, it becomes your life, and you will eventually lose your choice to the addiction. Stop now! Do it for yourself. Do it for your eventual wife. Do it for the kids you will have one day. Do it because it’s the right thing to do.
Facts and Stats
– Last year more money was spent on purchasing pornography the the United States spent on foreign aid (12 billion vs. 10 billion)
– Porn revenue is larger than all combined revenues of all professional football, baseball, and basketball franchises.
– US porn revenue exceeds the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, & NBC (6.2 billion).
– Child pornography generates $3 billion annually.
– Average age of first Internet exposure to pornography = 11 yrs old
– Largest Consumer of Internet Pornography = 12 – 17
– Christians who say porn is a major problem in the home = 47%
– US adults who regularly visit internet porn sites = 40 million
– 70% of women keep their cyber activities secret.
– 9.4 million women access adult website’s each month.
So here are some Next Steps
1. Come Clean (Prov 28:13; James 5:16)
The first thing to do is get the monkey off your back. Get face-to-face with God, let Him know you are ready for change and tell another human being.
2. Work out your faith (James 1:4)
You will have to work this thing out. It might mean you join a local group like Life Ministries or another anonymous group. Nationally there are a number of 12-step programs devoted to sex and pornography addictions and countless other Christian programs.
3. Get Accountable (Galatians 6)
You must keep your behavior in check with a close friend or accountability partner.
Resouces:
xxxchurch.com (#1 Christian Porn Site, consisting of porn addiction help and a variety of other sexual addiction aids and tools)
x3watch (Internet Accountability, Mac or PC)
Pure Online (Online, Confidential, Streaming Video Workshops for couples, men, women and teens, Mac or PC)
Safe Eyes (Internet Filtering Tool for Parents, Mac or PC)
Every Man’s Battle (Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time)