So you want to live together before marriage?

Over the last few years I have had the distinct privilege of performing multiple weddings, but before that process begins I ask the each couple does some “pre-marital” sessions with me to prepare them for what lies ahead. Between my pre-marital sessions and working in a “secular” workplace (though I do not believe there is a divide between sacred and secular, but I digress) I find that both “Christians” and non- Christians are moving in for a myriad of reasons.

Financial/ our current economy
Sexual (though unstated if you are “Christian”)
Simple try out (i.e. test drive marriage before purchase) and many more.

In these sessions we talk about the Biblical perspective of cohabitation, and (not surprisingly) I see and hear that sliding into cohabitation is more normal than not. Whatever the reasons there has been a substantial increase on cohabitation according to a recent New York Times article,

Cohabitation in the United States has increased by more than 1,500 percent in the past half century. In 1960, about 450,000 unmarried couples lived together. Now the number is more than 7.5 million. The majority of young adults in their 20s will live with a romantic partner at least once, and more than half of all marriages will be preceded by cohabitation. (emphasis added)

The article goes on to state that,

…nearly half of 20-somethings agreed with the statement, “You would only marry someone if he or she agreed to live together with you first, so that you could find out whether you really get along.” About two-thirds said they believed that moving in together before marriage was a good way to avoid divorce.

But that belief is contradicted by experience. Couples who cohabit before marriage tend to be less satisfied with their marriages — and more likely to divorce — than couples who do not. These negative outcomes are called the cohabitation effect.

I have to admit, it is a little frustrating that we as pastors are constantly derided for giving people “antiquated” information about sex, relationships, and life in general all because our source of truth happens to be the Bible. Yet, once again God turns out to be smarter than all of us, imagine that. As a society our thoughts on certain subjects, especially revolving around sex, are “evolving” but Biblical truth does not. Continually, as research and science are compiled the findings come back around to agreeing with those time honored truths.

I do not exactly know where you stand on this subject, obviously I have my opinions tempered by the truth of the Bible. I will admit that amongst the pressures of todays society it is not easy adhere to Biblical truth but an infinite God instructed us for His glory and our joy versus finite man coming up with our “truth” and eventually coming to His conclusions.

I would love to know your thoughts below.

Read the complete NY Times article here.

The stare down

I took little man to his crib the other night and but before I put him down I decided to spend a few minutes with him just rocking him and praying over him. I honestly could not repeat the prayer but I soon found myself staring into a pair of big brown eyes.

To be honest I was lost in that moment. He didn’t look away, he didn’t even blink, he just stared right at me and I my heart melted right there. There is NOTHING that pleases a father more than when he has the undivided attention of his child. In those few moments I felt SO connected with him.

Walking out of his room up the steps I felt the Lord whisper to me, “Hey, that is what I want with you! Not some ritual, but an intimate connection.”

From time to time I get caught up in “having a quiet time” just to say I had one? Sure, a verse or two will stand out to me but if I am not careful I will forget that my time with God is not about a spiritual to do list, it is about a connection a connection that I need and God wants.

God doesn’t want our lip service He wants our undivided attention. Let’s be honest this is SO hard in today’s society. Everything competes with our time with Him, especially technology. I just know that what I experienced with my son was real, and it is being used in my life to show me that I need to take my walk with Him to the next level!

In Luke 5:16 the Bible says that Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed, [rough] translation, He got alone and locked eyes with the Father! We see this again in Mark 1:35 and the direct result was direction and power. Even in His darkest hour (cf. Matthew 26:36-45) we see Him praying one of the most unselfish ever recorded in history. Translation, when we lock eyes with the Father there is nothing that we are not willing to do for Him!

My prayer lately has been that I will have my eyes locked, focused on Him! It blows my mind that He wants that and I know I need it! I never want to merely offer God lip service, He knows my heart. My desire is to lock eyes with Him and then to do whatever He asks.

How about you?

may his days be few

I don’t talk a lot about politics on my blog or in my life. Honestly, I am not a fan of either political party, they both seriously get on my nerves whenever I think about them. Please don’t get me wrong, just because I don’t talk about it doesn’t mean I don’t care about politics. I just choose not to obsess over it, especially in this phase our nations history because I believe there are much more pressing things to deal with.

Politics is important to me because it involves policies and policies, ultimately, impact people. We have no choice: we must be engaged in our civic responsibilities and affairs.

Let me be clear, I am a staunch independent, I have voted on both sides of the aisle. When it comes to political parties I try to urge people to not be fooled, swayed and seduced by the powers to be. That being said I was reminded of a conversation I had with a friend over coffee a few months back. As we sat across from each other he was telling me of his upcoming missions trip to a undisclosed place we began to talk about things that we were praying for in our lives and how we could be praying for each other. He revealed that he was recently struggling with the dialogue of Christians towards our president. He asked me this question:

I wonder what would happen if we prayed for the President just as much as we complain and blame him for all our problems?

This conversation was months ago but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I honestly can not fathom the burden and weight of his job and the ‘calling’ of the Presidency. In many ways, we ought to commend the courage of all those who step into leadership – on any level – including but not limited to the highest level. We can criticize all we want about our current presidential candidates, but we must acknowledge them for their courage to be in such vulnerable positions.

You see, it doesn’t matter what your political leanings, affiliations, and affections may be. I’m always amazed by those who would quote 1 Timothy 2:1-4 as an encouragement to pray for our leaders but we hesitate when it’s someone we disagree with and instead start quoting Psalm 109:8

“May his days be few; and let another take his office.”

(Side note: I honestly might scream the next time I see this out of context bumper sticker in reference to our president, but I digress.)

Here is what I know, President Barack Obama is:

a husband
a daddy
our President
proclaimed Christian (only God knows his heart)
a representative of a people group (African Americans)
[arguably] the most influential and powerful man on earth
a human

You may agree or disagree with his policies and/or decisions. You may be a Republican, Democrat, Tea Party or Coffee Party, but it doesn’t matter. The next time you find yourself complaining about him or preparing to slam a policy please lift a prayer for him. His marriage, his daughters, family, strength, conviction, courage, wisdom, safety, and peace.

A Crucifixion type love

I hate getting Facebook inbox messages. Here’s why, I already have 3 email addresses that I use for various reasons and those are hard enough to keep up with let alone adding another one. As a matter of fact I almost dropped Facebook all together when that started adding email addresses to the site. That being said every once in a great while I have some meaningful conversation through my inbox or someone sends me a video that will turn my day upside down. The other day I received this link from my wife from a local spoken word artist named Brent Rice. I honestly don’t know much about him but I have heard of Alea Lovely, a local videographer and photographer, who shot this video.

After watching this video I ended up watching it over and then once again and every time I was challenged in a different way. Given the caliber of this work I will defiantly be looking for mare content by this artist in the upcoming days. Here is my wish for you, no matter what your relational status I want you to experience and pursue this type of love. It’s a standard that I [personally] may never achieve but my aim is firmly set that way.

Please enjoy this video….

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7E9doP6EtHk]

You better think twice

As my little girl continues to blossom into the amazing young women that God created her to be I wanted to extend a “pre-emptive strike” so to say. Enjoy!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELmJHrmtCcU&feature=player_embedded]

Change

** Sorry this post may be a bit long**

The only thing constant in my family’s life is change. Over the last 3 years of my life my family and I have experienced immense change in our life.

So what’s involved in changing something up?

C = Calculation

If a change is going to be made I believe some time must be spent investigating the possible outcomes that will be associated with it. Some of the biggest mistakes I’ve made as a leader have been changing something without thinking it through.

H = Hesitation

When it comes to changing something that we’ve established…we always hesitate. Don’t get me wrong, I think pausing before making the change is healthy…however, when hesitation turns into an excuse to delay the obvious…problems WILL occur.

A = Anticipate Resistance

The very first reaction to change will always be some sort of resistance. As I leader I am coming more and more to understand that the first question a person runs through their mind when change is introduced is, “How is thing going to impact me?” And…if they detect that it may impact them in any negative sort of way…their natural tendency is to resist.

N = Necessary

Change is SO necessary! That statement was EASY to accept when we first began because we were changing the ways that other people did things; however, in the past couple of years or so it has become a sobering reality that the changes that are necessary are things we once thought of as edgy and innovative…which ISN’T easy…but, like I said…is necessary.

G = God Factor

What changes are God telling you to make? This could be personal…or even church wide. I know that He’s been speaking into me very directly lately and telling me some personal changes that I need to make in regards to the ways I lead myself and His church. God isn’t a dull God…and so following Him should never be either. He isn’t telling me the “why’s” right now…just the “what’s”…and getting comfortable with that has been an adjustment…but a good one!

E = Expectation

Whenever God leads us to change–we can expect fruit to come out of it. (See John 15:4-5) I have found myself getting way to nervous in the past when God leads me to change something when, in reality, I have NEVER screwed anything up by simply being completely obedient to Him–even when that includes MAJOR change.

That being said, I wanted to tell you of the upcoming changes in the Nelson family. I so am happy and overwhelmed to inform you all that I have accepted the 2 year Residency/ Internship at Concord Baptist Church (CBC) in Jefferson City, MO. This will be an amazing opportunity for me as I will have the opportunity to learn from someone who has been in a Senior Leadership position for over 20 years and is willing to train me along with Concord’s wonderful staff. I will also begin working toward my 1st Masters degree while we are there. This all begins at the beginning of June, which means that our family will be moving in a very short 7 weeks (or so). Though I will miss the restaurant life I am really looking forward to a new rhythm for our family, like being home at least some nights of the week. Furthermore, it will difficult to leave our church family at Blue Valley Baptist Church, family, and friends that have held us up in SO many ways the last 3 years including praying with us as we sought a position like this one. Almost 3 years ago I left Westside Family Church (WFC) as a pastor on staff. The was one of the most difficult transitions that I have ever made as WFC was where I came to Christ, the only church that my wife and I had attended at the time together, had our 1st child, my 1st Pastoral position and much more. I left WFC with the intend of completing my education and while serving at local church, yet our Father has had markedly different plans. Over the last 3 years God has shown Himself to me and my family in ways that I would not have fathomed before this. He has continually proven time and again that He is a God of details and He has proven to be alive and well in our life each step of the way and I pray that this blog has reflected this reality. I will look back on this time as opportunity that God has used to grow me, shape me, and clarify the vision He has for our life. Thank you each so much for caring about us and praying for us. This is not the end of this blog but the beginning of a new chapter. As we work out all the details of a move, please pray (especially for my wife) in this transition as she can take a long time to feel settle into new surroundings.

Finally, I wanted to provide you with some audio from my sermon at CBC’s Sunday night service back on March 25th. The sermon is entitled: “The offer on the table” and I pray you are as blessed in hearing it as I was in preaching it.