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I Looked For Love in Your Eyes

A few weeks ago I received an Facebook message from a friend and someone that I have had the chance to do some premarital sessions.  We have had a few discussions on the subject of pornography and its [destructive] effect on relationships.  Honestly, it is so powerful that it initially brought me to tears and I have been thinking through a time that would be appropriate to  share it with you.

Furthermore, this is National Porn Sunday along with Super Bowl Sunday.  The Super Bowl, along with being a HUGE event, is where tens of thousands of sex trafficking victims were brought to Texas to service the increased demand for commercial sex around the games.  No one knows how many children will be trafficked to Dallas/Ft. Worth for this year’s Super Bowl, but considering that Texas has one of the biggest human trafficking problems in the country, and that last year’s Super Bowl saw an increase in the amount of child trafficking around the event, the issue is potentially explosive.  Additionally, multiple studies show that there is a direct connection with the use of porn and human trafficking.

Anyways, the poem is a bit graphic, but only so far as it needs to be. I think it’s particularly heartbreaking in drawing out the clear connection between pornography and violence. And it’s just a realistic look at how so many men are damaging and destroying their wives and families. It’s reality.

I saved my best for you.
Other girls may have given themselves away,
But I believed in the dream.
A husband, a wife, united as one forever.

Nervous, first time, needing assurance of your love,
I looked for it in your eyes
Mere inches from mine.
But what I saw made my soul run and hide.

Gone was the tenderness I’d come to know
I saw a stranger, cold and hard
Distant, evil, revolting.
I looked for love in your eyes
And my soul wept.

Who am I that you cannot make love to me?
Why do I feel as if I’m not even here?
I don’t matter.
I’m a prop in a filthy play.
Not an object of tender devotion.

Where are you?

Years pass
But the hardness in your eyes does not.
You think I’m cold
But how can I warm to eyes that are making hate to someone else
Instead of making love to me?

I know where you are.
I’ve seen the pictures.
I know now what it takes to turn you on.
Women…people like me
Tortured, humiliated, hated, used
Discarded.
Images burned into your brain.
How could you think they would not show in your eyes?

Did you ever imagine,
The first time you picked up a dirty picture
That you were dooming all intimacy between us
Shipwrecking your marriage
Breaking the heart of a wife you wouldn’t meet for many years?

If it stopped here, I could bear it.
But you brought the evil into our home
And our little boys found it.
Six and eight years old.
I heard them laughing, I found them ogling.

Hands bound, mouth gagged.
Fisheye photo, contorting reality
Distorting the woman into exaggerated breasts.
The haunted eyes, windows of a tormented soul
Warped by the lens into the background,
Because souls don’t matter, only bodies do
To men who consume them.

Little boys
My little boys
Laughing and ogling the sexual torture
Of a woman, a woman like me.
Someone like me.

An image burned into their brains.

Will their wives’ souls have to run and hide like mine does?
When does it end?

I can tell you this. It has not ended in your soul.
It has eaten you up. It is cancer.
Do you think you can feed on a diet of hatred
And come out of your locked room to love?

You say the words, but love has no meaning in your mouth
When hatred rules in your heart.
Your cruelty has eaten up every vestige of the man
I thought I was marrying.
Did you ever dream it would so consume you
That your wife and children would live in fear of your rage?

That is what you have become
Feeding your soul on poison.

I’ve never used porn.
But it has devastated my marriage, my family, my world.

Was it worth it?

HT: Zach D. and Tim Challies

Homogeneous Unit Principle: Origins

I am a natural skeptic and as I came to Christ in 2002 and quickly began asking questions of any and everything I saw around me.  One question that I asked my pastor was “Why isn’t there more diversity of races within out church?”  You see I was one of the few black faces that I saw most Sundays.  At the time Johnson County [KS] was about 90% Caucasian but that still drove me to wonder about the lack of diversity within my church.  My pastor surprised me when he said, “Jon, it’s a thing called the ‘homogeneous unit principle’ that drives whether or not minorities come to our church.”  At the time this statement did not really bother me but as I began to research more about the [American] church and her history I became troubled.  This is the prod that began my juices flowing

Interviewer:  “[Dr. King] Don’t you feel that integration can only be started and realized in the Christian church, not in schools or by other means? This would be a means of seeing just who are true Christians.”

Martin Luther King:  “As a preacher, I would certainly have to agree with this. I must admit that I have gone through those moments when I was greatly disappointed with the church and what it has done in this period of social change. We must face the fact that in America, the church is still the most segregated major institution in America. At 11:00 on Sunday morning when we stand and sing and Christ has no east or west, we stand at the most segregated hour in this nation. This is tragic. Nobody of honesty can overlook this….”

This began my research into the Homogeneous Unit Principle and its origin. Donald A. McGavran (1897–1990) was former Senior Professor of Mission, church growth, and South Asian studies at the School of World Mission, Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California. A 3rd generation child of missionaries in India, and later a missionary himself.  Dr. Mc Gavran spent much of his life trying to overcome social barriers to Christian conversion. While in India McGaveran tried to understand , what forms people by economics and caste, substantially hinders the spread of Christianity.  From that work McGavran created a church growth text called, Understanding Church Growth, this book is still influential because of essays and lectures at missionary conferences in which he identified differences of caste and economic social position as major barriers to the spread of Christianity. His work substantially changed the methods by which missionaries identify and prioritize groups of persons for missionary work and stimulated the church growth movement.

The homogeneous unit is simply a section of society in which all the members have some characteristics in common. Thus a homogeneous unit might be a political unit (liberal/ conservatives) or sub-unit, the characteristic in common being that all the members live within certain geographical confines.

In his book McGavean says, “the homogeneous unit is an elastic concept, its meaning depending on the context in which it is used. However, it is a most useful tool for understanding church growth”.

Honestly his definition is not very clear mainly because he says that HUP is an elastic concept.  It is a broad definition. However it has been defined much more clearly.

“Such a section of society (HU) can be a culture or language, a tribe or caste, a clan or geographical unit. The members of a homogeneous unit think of themselves as enjoying a common bond of unity, simultaneously feeling different from other. The term is also frequently used as an adjective, such as in homogeneous unit church, meaning a church characterized by having members of just one social group.”

The HUP was born in McGavran’s mind out of the Indian system of caste. He experienced castes coming to Christ and still remaining a separated group. Also, behind his work in India there is the American culture with the individualistic worldview and the superiority of certain classes. This led him to say, “men like to become Christians without crossing racial, linguistic, or class barriers.”

  • Does your church abide by this?
  • What do you think of this concept?

Black History Month 2011

In 1915, Dr. Carter G. Woodson and Rev. Jesse E. Moorland co-founded the Association for the Study of Negro Life and History (ASNLH). Their goal was to research and bring awareness to the largely ignored, yet crucial role black people played in American and world history. The following year, Woodson published and distributed his findings in The Journal of Negro History.  The son of former slaves and the second black person to receive a degree from Harvard University, Carter Woodson understood the value of education.Dr. Woodson died in 1950, but his legacy continued on as the celebration of Negro History Week was adopted by cities and organizations across the country. Finally, in 1976, the week was extended to a month-long observance.

Black History Month is now recognized and widely celebrated by the entire nation on both a scholarly and commercial level and that is that point of this next months post.

I know that a few of you may be wondering why I am doing this.  The idea actually came from a conversation about National Porn Sunday (February 6th).  I mentioned that it was a shame that a subject of such importance happened to fall during BHM and take away from people learning about Black history.  I fully believe that Black history is American history and after making this statement a young lady next to me said, “I know a lot about Black History.”  In unbelief I quickly called her bluff and she responded with nothing.  The intent was not to shame her, honestly my knowledge is lacking also,  but to help her understand that we really do not understand the History of black people here in the United States.

So this is what I will be up to this month

  • Twitter:
    • Please follow me on twitter and/or Facebook as I will be posting at least two BHM facts a day.
    • Further BHM facts [on Twitter] will probably be found under the hash tag #BHM.
  • Blog:
    • Slavery (Mondays):  I want to honestly discuss what the Bible actually says about slavery.
    • HUP (Thursdays):  Homogeneous Unit Principle (HUP) is viewed positively as the rationale for gearing churches towards demographically similar people.

I really hope to hear from you this month as I know many of you have a lot to say…

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Jefferson City, MO 65109
(573) 635-4832

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